Oh hey there

Hello friends and welcome to my blog!

Thanks for clicking through. This is a blog about my journey of recovery from Hypothalamic Amenorrhea (HA) – a place for me to record all my thoughts, feelings and vibes as I go ‘all-in’ with recovery…

Before I go any further, I should probably explain (briefly) what exactly HA is...

Let’s start with Amenorrhea. This simply means, no period. Hypothalamic Amenorrhea is a type of amenorrhea driven by the hypothalamus – the part of the brain responsible for receiving hormonal (and other chemical) signals, and responding by triggering hormone production and subsequent physiological outcomes. One of these outcomes is menstruation. Three phenomena (usually in combination) are believed to throw the hypothalamus out of balance and disrupt the pathway leading to oestrogen production and menstruation:

1) psychological stress

2) intense exercise

3) disordered eating (including under-eating)

It is basically a protective mechanism to prevent women from bringing another human being into the world when their bodies really can’t handle it. Pretty amazing when you think about it.

The issue is, not having the hormones that underpin a regular menstrual cycle puts women at risk of serious health complications. The longer it goes on, the higher the risk. The research in this space is largely relatively new, however, osteoporosis is a well-known consequence of disrupted menstrual hormones. Cardiac disease and dementia are a few of the other areas highlighted as high-risk following prolonged amenorrhea.

For a significant number of women, HA is the result of RED-S syndrome – Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport syndrome. This is just another way of saying you aren’t eating enough for the amount of energy you are expending. There is also a nuance here that is worth noting: it’s not just about how much you eat, but also the kinds of foods you choose to make up the calories. You can’t just leave certain food groups out and make up the calories elsewhere #carbsaregood

That’s what my situation was – too much exercise and not enough fuel, since 2014.

It started with a fixation on becoming more ‘toned’ after I left school, and I introduced all these food rules into my life. Then I started uni and joined the Track & Field club and continued to obsess over how much I was eating, what I was eating and when #controlFREAK. I’ve come a long way in terms of my relationship with food since then. I now eat with no food rules. I am a conscientious eater in that I care deeply about the quality of the food that enters my body as well as the relative amounts of various macronutrients. But, I am also proud to say that I am well on my way to being a more intuitive eater. And I have put on weight, but still no period…

I really LOVE running, and being active in general. I can't remember the last time I had a week with no intense exercise. Over the past few months, I have started to take distance running more seriously. I’ve realised that I want to be able to run forever – picture old folks on the beach or parents with jogger-prams – but I’ve also realised I can’t do that if I have osteoporosis. So, I need to take some time out. I need to give my body some low-cortisol space to recognise that I am fuelling it properly, with all sorts of foods. Like so many things in life – sometimes you have to pause in order to keep going. This is going ‘all-in’ with recovery.

‘All-in’ means I keep fuelling my body with lots of food to make sure it knows there is enough energy for ALL physiological processes, whilst resting completely from intense exercise. I am doing yoga, walking and cycling around the city for chores and jobs etc., but the aim is to keep the heart rate low and let my body recognise that I am taking care of it, and giving it enough to eat!

I am going to change. For sure. Physically and psychologically. I’ll probably gain some weight and/or get a bit softer round the edges – NOT A BAD THING! We have become fixated on body shapes and have all sorts of connotations associated with the phrase ‘weight gain’. This process is about recognising that you have to let your body do what it needs to do – to be the shape it needs to be – in order to be a fully-functioning human being. Psychologically, I know I will learn a lot about myself. This is going to test me, and I see it as a time to do away with old habits and thought patterns, and really cement the new, healthier ones I have been focusing on over the past 12-24 months.

Some words of wisdom from Dr Nicola Rinaldi’s No Period Now What have been really helpful in preparing me:

“Remember that we have been encouraged by the “diet culture” we live in, to embrace a thin, muscular look as “healthy” by those who will gain financially from us feeling less than perfect, without regard to actual health. With that said, we encourage you to trust that your body knows the right place for you as an individual.”

This blog is simply a platform for me share my journey – my thoughts and feelings, and how I choose to respond to these, over the coming weeks/months. It is a way for me to add my voice to the shared conversations that we need to be having around mental well-being and women’s health. HA affects a LOT of women, and it is no longer acceptable to simply accept the absence of a period as ‘normal if you do lots of sport’. HA is also the perfect example of how our mental health can lead to compromised physiological health. I believe that the more we talk about what is happening inside our heads, the more empathy we generate, the more shared experiences we recognise, and the more we realise we are not alone.

Thank you for joining me.

Note: This blog is NOT intended as a recovery guide for others who are seeking to recover from HA. There are professionals out there who dedicate their lives to this. I am opening this journey up for others to follow because we need to talk about what’s in our heads. It’s a simple as that.