Mind v. Stomach

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” said Theodore Roosevelt (and a number of my good friends to me). Now I don’t want to put Roosevelt on any kind of pedestal or make any claims about him, but this quote is truth. The more brain-space we dedicate to focusing on other people, the less we are able to bring our full selves to the present and enjoy it. Counter to what you might be expecting, this is not a post about body comparisons. There are enough wonderful people out there talking about this - about how we have fallen into the trap of thinking that there is a single set of bodily features that are “aspirational”, and about how self-love requires a recognition that we are not less because we look different. No, instead, today I wanted to write about food comparisons.

Some people eat what they want, however much they want, when they want, and don’t give two hoots about what or how much or when anybody else is eating. They eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. This is the intuitive eater. I’m not saying they eat thoughtlessly, or that they don’t enjoy a hearty Sunday lunch and get left with that “I’m so full” feeling…but they don’t eat based on what other people are doing, and that’s the key. What I’ve realised this week is that part of becoming an intuitive eater means letting go of constantly monitoring how what I eat compares to what everybody else is eating. I want to share how this comparison has manifested for me.

Firstly, it’s in the “what are you having?” question. Imagine this: you’re out with friends/family, you look at the menu, see the cheese toastie – yum yum yum. But then you ask your pals what they are having, and they say some item you think sounds “healthier” than your cheese toastie…so you don’t order it, or you do order it but spend a significant chunk of your precious space later feeling guilty. Another example: you’re out for coffee/hot drink of choice, feeling a little peckish or that you’d like something sweet to accompany your beverage…but the person/people you’re with are just having a drink…so you hold back, even though you really want the cookie. Raise your hand if you’ve been there. What I have realised is that IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING! Wow, shock. If you are worried people are going to “judge” you based on your food choices, you need to take a moment and recognise that the real judge is you (or rather me). I never judge my friends on what they choose, so why should I judge myself?? Really, honestly ask yourself, why does it matter. Ultimately, we’re not friends with someone because they have the same diet as us! When we are eating out together, it is to enjoy each other’s company over a nice food moment, not to show off to anyone how “healthy” we are….and while I’m at it, let’s talk about “healthy”.

To put it simply, healthy is BALANCE. Healthy is eating a range of wholesome foods – be that wholesome in terms of nutrients or wholesome in terms of taste and emotion. Dishes on their own are not “healthy” or “unhealthy”. Health is such a complex thing – it’s the sum of all the parts of your lifestyle. So, does it really make sense to talk about a single, small fraction of that – i.e. a meal – as healthy or unhealthy? Carbonara pasta is just a dish with a certain nutrient profile. Eating it every night having not really moved during the week is unhealthy. But notice how it is the whole situation that is unhealthy, not the carbonara. Eating carbonara pasta (made with quality, sustainably-sourced ingredients) as a weeknight meal, as part of a varied diet and routine that includes moderate exercise is healthy, because healthy is the whole picture. I know that when I have classed foods as unhealthy, I have demonised them. And this has in turn led to guilt when, or after, consuming them, and the feeling that I need to ‘compensate’ with more exercise or less food.

The second manifestation of food comparison for me is the question of how much I am eating versus other people, be that my friends, or people I see in the media. I had fallen into the trap of basing how much I ate not on what my body actually felt it needed, but on how much Instagrammers or Youtubers or my friends were eating. I chose to ignore my own body in the pursuit of trying to be “normal”. But the thing is, there is no normal! Everybody has a different metabolism, everybody was raised with different portion sizes and can take different amounts of food, and everybody fuels throughout the day in different ways! It’s taken me a while to realise that needing or wanting to eat more than someone else is not a crime. It’s completely ok for me to have a snack if I need one, even if I ate an hour ago – it doesn’t matter if I don’t think anyone else around me might be needing a snack. This might seem obvious to some people, but thinking I’m not eating “like everyone else” has been a big block for me. Part of self-acceptance is accepting that you and I, as individuals with different histories and physiologies, require different amounts of food, at different times and THAT IS OK.

To truly become that intuitive eater I mentioned above, I need to stop second guessing myself with food choices and stop over-thinking portions, and quite literally, follow my gut. For the most part, our bodies (NOT our overthinking minds) will tell us what we need and how much we need, if we really listen to them and eat mindfully. I’m now trying to describe foods using words like ‘hearty’, ‘light’, ‘rich’, ‘simple’, ‘salty’, ‘energy-dense’ etc., instead of ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’ so that I can more acutely tune into what food my body is needing in a given moment. I’m trying to eat more mindfully so I know when I need more food or recognise when I’ve really had enough. This is what healthy is. No rules, no overthinking, no obsessing. So, please, let’s stop labelling food as good/bad/cheat/indulgent/naughty/unhealthy/healthy/clean,

and start describing it for what is really is (and where it’s come from while we're at it). Let’s encourage each other to follow our food desires. And let’s eat.

Until next week, snack on.